This Leaflet:
- answers some of the questions that families often ask about bullying; and
- provides advice about what to do if a young person is worried about bullying at school.
What Is Bullying?
Bullying can take many different forms. All of them
are wrong. Bullying is not acceptable in any form.
Someone who is being bullied will feel unable to stop it happening. It maybe carried
out by a group or by one person. It may involve hitting, kicking, threats, name-calling,
or less obvious ways such as ignoring or excluding someone, "sending them to
Coventry". It is similar to harassment and other forms of abuse such as racism, and
the abuse of children by adults. In some cases, it may involve criminal acts. The person
or people doing the bullying may be the same age or older or younger than their victim.
Both sexes bully and are bullied.
Bullies may need help just as much as those being bullied. A few children can also, by
their attitudes or their actions, get others into trouble.
It is important to remember these points because bullying happens in so many ways and
takes so many forms.
Whatever the type of bullying, always take it seriously Different types of bullying may
require different responses but children may not always understand why this is so.
Punishing those who bully may not be the only way of stopping the problem.
Talking about bullying can be a key which unlocks the door to unhappy secrets. Adults
who open this door must be prepared to deal with any problems they find.
So What's New?
Bullying is certainly not new, but in the past it
was often ignored or dismissed as part of life. In the last few years this way of thinking
has changed and more attention has been paid to the rights and responsibilities of adults
and children. Important among these are that:
- everyone has the right to work and to learn in an atmosphere that is free from
victimisation and fear;
- all of us have a responsibility to ensure that we do not abuse or bully others;
- young people should talk to an adult if they are worried about bullying and have a right
to expect that their concerns will be listened to and treated seriously; and
- we all have a duty to work together to protect vulnerable individuals from bullying and
other forms of abuse.
Spotting The Signs
There is no certain way of spotting that a child is
being bullied or is bullying others. Things such as a change in attitude, an unexplained
illness, not wanting to go to school, bruising or torn clothes may all have a simple
explanation, or they may be the result of something more serious.
Children can go to very great lengths to hide from adults the fact that they are being
bullied. They may be afraid that they will be seen as cowardly or weak. They may not want
to tell tales or grass on others in their class. They may even be afraid that talking to
an adult will lead to even more problems or more trouble for them or that the adult will
be unable or unwilling to help them.
The best advice is to trust your instincts - if you are worried discuss your worries
openly and honestly with your child.
Listening To And Talking With Children
Here are some things to remember if you are talking
to a member of your family who you think may be being bullied.
- Be patient - make time to listen to your child.
- Ask questions but do it sensitively - don't interrogate.
- Show your child that you care. Be careful not to say or do anything which could make an
already anxious or lonely child feel even more alone.
- Do not take any action before you discuss with your child what you could do, and what he
or she could do. It may take a little longer for you to agree the best course of action
than if the decision is taken by the adult alone, but this is time well spent. But make
sure you do something. If bullying goes on for a long time it can cause serious damage to
a child's educational and personal development.
- Do not make promises you can't keep. It is very important that your child knows that he
or she can trust you. For example, if your child is reluctant to talk to you do not
promise confidentiality in an effort to make it easier for the child to speak. And
remember that if you discover that a child is in serious danger, whether that danger comes
from an adult or another child, you must act even if the child wants you to do nothing.
- Tell your child that he or she has done the right thing by talking about what has
happened, that bullying is wrong, and that those who are doing the bullying must change
their behaviour.
Talking With Teachers
If someone in your family is being bullied at school
the best course is to talk to a teacher In a primary school this could be your child's
class teacher and in a secondary school your child's guidance teacher
If you can, it is best to go to the school to do this. If you cannot get to the school,
you could phone. If you want to go to the school, you should first make an appointment
through the headteacher's office. Say if you think the mailer is serious or urgent.
If the bullying is serious you may be upset when you speak to the teacher so here is a
checklist of things to remember
- Speak to the teacher as soon as possible. Say if the bullying has been going on for a
long time.
- Do not exaggerate. Be honest and stick to the facts as you know them. Teachers need to
know how serious the bullying is if they are to make judgements about the best course of
action.
- Make a note of everything you know about the bullying before you speak to the teacher so
that you do not forget to mention any important points.
- Remember that this may be the first time that the teacher has heard about the bullying
and remember that your child may not have told you all the facts.
- Find out what action the school intends to take.
- Arrange to contact the school again so that you can discuss any action that has been
proposed.
- After the meeting, you may wish to make a note of anything that has been decided and to
give a copy to the teacher
- If you are not happy with the action proposed, make an appointment to see the
headteacher
What Else Can Be Done?
Bullying in school can only be solved if parents,
teachers and pupils work together to find a solution. However, sometimes parents and
pupils are not satisfied with the way that schools deal with their worries. If you are in
this situation here are some things you can do.
- Ask yourself if you have given the school sufficient time to deal with the mailer
Bullying can be complex and difficult to solve. Ask about the schools anti-bullying
policy. Scottish schools have been issued with 2 packs by The Scottish Office Education
Department Action Against Bullying (issued in 1992) and Supporting Schools Against
Bullying (issued in 1993).
- If you are still not satisfied contact those who run the school and explain clearly, and
preferably in writing, what has happened.
- If the bullying happened outside school, or in cases of serious assault or harassment,
you could contact the police.
- As a last resort you could contact your Member of Parliament.
Further Reading
There are a number of helpful booklets available. One in particular is entitled Bullying
and How to Fight It - A Guide For Families by Andrew Mellor which provides practical
advice on how families can tackle the problem. It costs £3.25 (including post &
packing) and can be ordered from book shops or from The Scottish Council for Research in
Education, 15 St John Street, Edinburgh EHS 8JR. |
