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Chapter 3: Findings about facts of life
3.1 Puberty and Development
Many of these calls were about needing to talk to someone about the changes happening in their body, such as developing breasts or body hair, starting periods, getting erections, and most did not contain any indications of a concern or worry. Some children and young people indicated that it was difficult to talk to friends or parents, that they had a poor relationship with parents, or that they didn't have anyone to talk to. However, most frequently, callers were seeking explanation or advice about puberty. Here the key themes were: explanation, normal, peer comparison, and peer exclusion/inclusion.
Calls asking for explanations came mostly from 8 to 13 years. For example, boys and girls asked about emissions (white stuff); how and why their penis became hard; why breasts were different sizes; or general questions about what changes could be expected at puberty. In many narratives callers asked whether something particular about them was 'normal', for example, whether it was normal to have pubic hair, large breasts, body hair, periods at a certain age, and whether it was normal not to have any of these at a certain age. Callers also expressed concerns about sexual feelings, such as whether it was normal to think about naked women, or to masturbate.
Caller said he was going through puberty and having wet dreams. Caller said he was too embarrassed to tell anyone. Wanted to know if it was normal. ( FOLF, 2003, MC, 13 years)
Peer comparison was an issue in a substantial number of calls. Many callers were concerned that they were more or less developed than their peers, and whether this meant that they were developing abnormally or not. However, using peers as a frame of reference was, in many cases, the cause of anxiety and a misleading source of information. Some callers felt, for example, that they shouldn't have breasts or pubic hair because their friends didn't, or likewise, that they should have developed in these ways because their friends had. Peer exclusion/inclusion was another key theme within calls regarding development and puberty. From as young as 8 years, and through to age 16, callers described being teased by friends and/or peers either for not being developed or for being too developed, for example:
Worried that her pubic hair has not grown. Doctor said there was nothing wrong but not convinced. Friends laugh. Periods are OK and no other worries about health. I think I am a freak. ( FOLF, 2004, FC, 14 years)
3.2 Body image and appearance
Sometimes closely linked to the theme of development and puberty were concerns from many callers about body image and appearance. Interestingly, many calls relating to both of these sets of concerns appeared to be integrally linked with peer exclusion and peer comparison. Concerns about body image and appearance were also heavily dominated by female callers, with few males expressing these concerns. The main concerns presented within this theme were weight concerns, size of breasts, penis size, stretch marks and cellulite, spots, body hair, and generally feeling unattractive or ugly. Apart from weight, concerns about body image and appearance were not expressed by any callers under the age of 9 years.
Weight concerns were expressed, overwhelmingly, by female callers aged 8 to 17 years. Most callers were concerned about being overweight, with many girls describing feeling fat and ugly. Often callers who felt overweight also described being bullied and called names because of their weight. As with many of the other concerns with body image and appearance, those concerned about their weight often expressed these in relation to their peers, describing their peers as thinner and feeling fat and unattractive in comparison.
Similarly, in narratives from girls of most ages, peer comparison emerged as a key theme, with girls worried that their breasts were too small compared to their friends or peers of the same age and some describing being teased about this by male and female peers. However, only a few boys expressed concerns that they were unattractive, and these concerns were closely tied to partner relationships and wanting to have a girlfriend. Many more girls expressed this concern, feeling that they were ugly, less attractive than friends, and too unattractive to get a boyfriend. It was notable that, unlike boys, a few girls described these feelings as being related to or arising from peer exclusion and bullying, often bullying by male peers, who had told them they were ugly. The one body-image concern that was expressed frequently by male callers was the size of their penis, notably that it was too small, for example:
Having puberty problems. Penis isn't growing and he is disappointed. It's small compared to everyone else in the football team. ( FOLF, 2003, MC, 12 years)
From the age of 9 years, a theme that emerged quite strongly was concerns about body hair, and specifically how to control or remove it. Although boys and girls discussed concerns about developing pubic hair, having and not having it, it was consistently female callers who were concerned about the control and removal of body hair, for example:
Upset because she has pubic hair which she thinks is too bushy for wearing bikini bottoms. Has tried cutting them but she is scared they will be seen. Also has a white discharge but no period yet. ( FOLF, 2003, FC, 11 years)
3.3 Periods
A substantial number of calls from female children and young people were about periods. A key issue for callers aged 10 to 14 was fear and worry about periods starting, in particular fear that their periods would be painful, and worry that their period would start when they were at school. Some were concerned that, based on peer comparison, their period had not yet started; a substantial sub-theme of periods was about how to prepare for, and deal with, periods.
Most commonly, girls whose periods had just started were experiencing some kind of problem for which they required support, information or advice. A number did not know what their period was and so were concerned and confused by its arrival. However, many of these callers were phoning because they didn't have anyone else they were comfortable with talking to. In particular, parent-child communication emerged as an issue. Many callers were aged between 8 and 13 years and, although some just wanted additional information to that already received from their mothers, others said they didn't feel they had a good relationship, and therefore didn't want to, or couldn't talk to her.
3.4 Terminology
At every age children and young people used the ChildLine service to obtain definitions of terms of a sexual nature. Peer communication was the most common way that callers indicated having heard a number of terms. The youngest callers almost exclusively indicated hearing terms from their peers, from friends, and in the context of peer bullying. Very often children and young people expressed a need to know the meaning of a term(s) because friends or peers were laughing at them or teasing them for not knowing. Other callers described hearing terms from peers and wanting to know their meaning before their ignorance was discovered and they were laughed at. Ignorance of sexual terms thus emerged as a potent form of peer exclusion, and seeking a definition of these terms was a means by which many callers sought to be included or to put an end to teasing about their ignorance.
This theme of peer exclusion / inclusion began at age 5 years and continued through to age 16 years. A notable gender difference was that, for boys, it was common to be labelled with sexual terms as a means of name calling and bullying, something rarely reported by girls. Younger callers in particular described this, with boys being called names such as 'penis', 'homosexual', 'wanker', 'dildo', or 'horny'. The reports of this kind of peer exclusion ceased at age 13 years, suggesting that this may be more common amongst children than teenagers, or that teenagers are less likely to seek ChildLine's help for this problem than are children. In contrast, peer exclusion on the basis of sexual ignorance became more common amongst teenagers than children and affected both males and females for example:
My friends have been talking about a 69. I do not know what it is - they think I'm a dork. They all make fun of me. ( FOLF, 2004, FC, 15 years)
3.5 Partner communication
In contrast with peer communication, partner communication was notably gendered, such that terms were much more commonly heard from partners by female callers in the context of a request to perform a sexual act or participate in a sexual act of some kind. Many of the callers asking for a definition of the term 'blow-job' fell into this category, having been asked to perform a blow-job by their boyfriend, and not knowing what this meant. Many callers, including a smaller number of boys than girls, indicated that they felt too embarrassed to ask partners what it meant in case they were laughed at.
A key point to highlight about the theme of terminology was the substantial range of terms that were asked about. Children and young people evidently accessed and were exposed to an expansive vocabulary regarding sex and development, and many may have understood sex and development through terms that may not be part of an accepted curriculum of sex education. Moreover, it is possible that sex education may fail to explore and address these terms, and thus fail to meet the demand for knowledge that these children and young people have. What is also highly significant is that children and young people as young as 5 and as old as 16 expressed a need or desire for information that was often the same, indicating a need for continuous sex education, not a 'hit and run' approach.
3.6 Seeking explanations
Furthermore, there were many requests for more detailed explanations of facts of life issues by callers of all ages. These were mostly about the body, sex and sexual acts and 'how to' questions. Questions ranged from basic enquiries about reproduction, through to very specific questions about masturbation, the mechanics of sex and the performance of sexual acts. Amongst the children who called, aged between 5 and 10 years, there were quite a few calls about parents or siblings having sex. Many callers from 10 -17 years old asked about same gender sexual acts.
Many children and young people aged between 9 and 18 years phoned to talk about masturbation. For boys aged between approximately 10 and 12 masturbation was one of the key issues that they called about. In this age group there were questions about how to masturbate and concerns that they didn't know how. There were also quite a few boys and girls who wanted to check out whether it was ok, healthy or wrong to masturbate as well as a few callers, male and female, who felt that it was wrong and felt guilty about it. As callers got older, particularly from age 13 and upwards, concerns began to be expressed about how frequently they masturbated, and whether this was normal for example:
Friends say that I masturbate too much, bit worried, can't talk to mum or dad. ( FOLF, 2004, MC, 15 years)
Evident in many narratives was a sense that callers believed there was a specific or 'right' way to do things like kissing, sex and oral sex. Often this was indicated by anxieties about doing it wrongly or badly; particularly in calls about kissing. Moreover, these anxieties again revealed the importance of peers and sanctioning in the social context, as callers were worried about feeling embarrassed, being laughed at, talked about, or dumped by partners and peers as a result of their sexual ignorance. A key point regarding the 'how to' questions and the questions about sex, is that many of these were asked about in the context of young people's deliberations about having sex with a partner. These young people were thus considering or beginning sexual relationships, whilst lacking understanding and information that could be vital to the maintenance of their sexual health and wellbeing. In this context, it was interesting, however, that there were very few calls about sexually transmitted infections. The importance of peer, partner and family relationships in framing children and young people's sexual health and wellbeing concerns suggests that strategies for addressing STIs need also to be framed within these relationships.
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