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Section 2: Direct Negotiation
There are several ways to make it more likely that you and whoever you are in dispute with can sort things out - and some that will probably make matters worse. This section sets out some 'do's and don'ts' that you may find helpful to read through and think about before speaking to or writing to the other side.
Think about what you want to say
- be clear in your mind about what the problem is, how it affects you and what you want;
- talk to someone who is not involved, for example the Citizens Advice Bureau or a solicitor; and
- decide whether it would be better to talk face to face or to write a letter. If you decide to talk face to face, you may find it helpful to write down what you want to say to help you order your thoughts and make sure you cover all the points you want to make.
If your dispute is with a neighbour
- talk to them face to face. This is much better than pushing notes through the door or banging on the wall;
- try to choose a good time to make the first approach, when neither you nor your neighbour are busy; and
- arrange a suitable time and place, free as far as possible from distractions, so that you can talk about the problem properly.
Speaking Face to Face
- be calm and friendly. Say you are glad you have got together to sort things out;
- tell your neighbour what the problem is, how you feel and how it affects you. Try not to blame your neighbour; for example, rather than saying 'You're very inconsiderate with your loud TV, keeping me awake all night', say 'When I hear your TV after 11.30 p.m., I can't get to sleep'; and
- listen to what your neighbour has to say in return; they will have a point of view, though you may not agree with it. By listening as well as talking, you create a good atmosphere. Problems are often solved when people feel they have been listened to.
Trying to Solve the Problem
- look for common ground (even agreeing to differ is a start!);
- make sure that you bring all the issues into the open, starting with the easier ones first;
- be open to your neighbour's suggestions (two heads are better than one!);
- try to find a co-operative solution in which both you and your neighbour participate;
- look at all the options before picking the best one for you both; and
- if you are unable to talk things through amicably with your neighbour, you may wish to try a community mediation service ( see section 3);
When You Reach Agreement
- make sure you know who has agreed to do what and by when;
- it may be a good idea to write it down, and for both of you to sign it and keep a copy;
- decide if you want the agreement to be legally binding, and if you do, write it into the agreement; and
- agree a date to check how your agreement is working out;
- agree how you should let each other know about any future problems.
Don't
- interrupt, shout or verbally abuse;
- assume others have the same values that you have;
- imagine your neighbours know what is bothering you if you have never told them;
- retaliate - this will make things worse and put you in the wrong;
- argue about who did what - concentrate on what you want to happen in the future;
- bring up things which have nothing to do with the present problem; and
- agree to solutions you think are unfair, just for a quiet life.
NB - These tips assume there is no threatening behaviour or danger of physical violence - if there is, you should go to the police.
If your dispute is with a company or organisation
- decide whether you are going to phone or write. You may need to phone first or check a web site to find out whom to complain to. Unless you need something removed or repaired urgently, it is usually best to write a letter of complaint, particularly if your problem has been going on for some time. Remember to keep a copy of all correspondence;
- say what the problem is, how you feel and how it affects you;
- give the details needed to check your complaint - your name, address, reference number, any relevant dates, times, places. This is especially important if writing to a company or organisation that deals with large numbers of customers - it will help them to trace any relevant paperwork and check your story more quickly;
- be polite, concise and firm - remember that the person dealing with your call or letter is unlikely to be the person responsible for causing your problem; and
- say what you want to happen next.
Advantages of direct negotiation
- you may be able to sort the dispute out quickly at a time and place convenient to you;
- you may save yourself the expense of involving a third party;
- you may get an explanation and an apology; and
- you may be able to prevent the problem happening again.
Disadvantages of direct negotiation
- you may make the problem worse if you lose your temper; and
- it may take some time to write down what you want to say and for letters to be written in reply to yours.
What if direct negotiation doesn't work?
If you do not get any satisfaction by complaining in writing to a company or organisation, tell them. They will then deal with your complaint at a higher level.
If you still don't get any satisfaction, find out whether the company or organisation is a member of a trade association arbitration scheme or is covered by an ombudsman scheme or by a regulator ( see section 7).
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