The Scottish Government

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Things are changing, aren't they?

You've left primary, become more independent, and started to think about the future. Your friends are changing too - you're meeting loads of new people, who have different hobbies, backgrounds, and lifestyles.

It's a pretty exciting time! But it can be a bit scary too. Even the most outgoing people can find meeting new folk a bit daunting - who knows what they will be like?!

You won't become best pals with them all, but even the folk that you aren't so close to - the people in your class, your year, or the people you meet outside school - can make you feel good or bad about yourself. You can send signals to them too, by your attitude and body language.

So how can you make sure that you're sending out the right vibes? Fortunately, all you need is a few confidence tricks, and you're on your way to having a fab time!

New places, new faces….

Starting a new school can be great! New mates, new teachers, new chances to do cool stuff...

But your new school isn't the only place that you'll be meeting new people.

you could be...

• Meeting your pals in town on a Saturday.
• Starting at a new sports club, or the local footie team, with people from all over your area.
• Getting to know new people who have started coming to your youth club.
• Exploring your local area a bit more - which bus do you need? Which areas are safe?

So, there are lots of times when you might find yourself faced with people you've never met before…. But what do you do? How do you act? How do you make sure that you get along with them, without being bullied, or becoming the bully?

Being good to know

There are loads of other people around you every day - some you might have just met, some you might have known for years, and some you might just be passing in the street! Whoever, wherever, everyone has a responsibility to behave in a way that helps create a good atmosphere. Bad vibes can make anywhere a hard place to be, and can end up hurting people and ruining friendships.

There are 4 big things, which sum up what friendly vibes are all about, and help you be a good person to know!

Be Fair!
Expect to be treated fairly, and expect that other people should be treated fairly too. Respect other people's opinions, attitudes and cultures - they are more likely to respect yours!

Listen
Lend a friendly ear to anyone who needs it. A problem shared is definitely a problem halved. Show interest in what other people have to say. They'll appreciate you as a friend if they know it's not all about you!

Watch your body language!
Sometimes we can give out bad vibes to people without meaning to. Think about the messages that you might be sending out. You might look at the ground because you're shy, but others could think that you are ignoring them! Think about what message you want to send out! Hold your head up, smile, and keep reminding yourself that you're ok!

Think about others
It's great to be part of a group of friends, but it's horrible to feel left out of that group. It doesn't take a lot to smile, say 'hi' to someone and ask them to join in your group's fun. Find out about other people! What do they like? What do you have in common? What new things can you learn from them..?

remember!
You can be friendly to someone you don't even know very well. Think about it!

from new pals to old buddies ...…
Then there's the people who DO become your good mates.

The ones you have a laugh with, who share your interests, your sense of humour, and who you can turn to if things are getting you down.

make friends...
Be yourself! Nobody likes a faker, and real friends will like you for who you are.

Get involved! Playing sport, being a member of a club or society, or trying out new things, are great ways of getting to know people with similar interests. So you'll have tonnes to talk about.

keep friends...
Don't put all your eggs in one basket! It's a good thing to be mates with loads of people, even if you have one or two special pals.

Trust people! And make sure they know they can trust you. It's the basis of a good friendship, and can be a lifesaver if things start to go wrong.

never ever break friends?
If you've fallen out with your mate, it's not the end! Be honest with yourself - if you were wrong, then say so, and once you've sorted an argument, leave it behind!

As we grow and change, our friendships will change with us. Even if you're not best friends with someone any more, that doesn't mean you
have to become enemies - remember the good times!

just GET FRESH

So how do you remember all that fab advice?!

FAIR
be fair to others and expect to be treated fairly

RESPECT
be polite, and show care for others

ENGAGE
be friendly and let others join in

SAFE
avoid hurting others and if you are hurt, tell someone

HONEST
try to tell the truth

fresh schools!

Your school is there to help you be considerate, caring and thoughtful kinda guys! They can help you get FRESH, and you can help the school act FRESH too! There are loads of different ways that you can get involved, to stop bullying, solve problems, and generally make your school a cool place to be!

School Rules

Love 'em or hate 'em they're there to make sure the school is a friendly, tolerant place. But it's a lot easier to understand (and pay attention) to rules if you've helped make them up.

Why don't you ask a teacher if your class can get involved in drafting some school rules about how people should behave towards each other? They could look something like the FRESH code.

pupil council
Loads of schools have pupil councils. A group of students help the teachers make decisions on issues that affect the whole school. It's a great way to have your say about what you think is good and bad about your school - and make suggestions about how things can be changed.

buddies
Buddying schemes in schools are great. Think about how scary it can be moving schools… And once you get there, with so many unfamiliar faces milling about, it can all be a bit overwhelming.

A buddy is an older pupil who is asked to look out for younger pupils when they come up from primary school, or when the going gets tough at any time of life. Buddies might show them the school, talk about any problems or concerns they might have, and generally be there as a friendly face! It's a great way to create a sense of community in your school.

peer mediation
Even though bust ups with your mates are perfectly normal, it can be tricky sometimes to put things straight if you are both angry, and don't want to listen to the other person's side of the story.

That's where peer mediators come in! They're neutral people (just like a footie ref) who help you both chat through what happened, and help you reach an agreement about how you both can sort things out and respect each other in the future.

It's a really great, mature way of sorting out your differences, without teachers having to get too involved. You can get more information about Peer Mediation from the Scottish Mediation Network. Visit their website at www.scottishmediation.org.uk

Getting Help

We all need help and support to sort out our problems. Sometimes, we feel more comfortable talking with people who don't know us, or we need people with more experience at sorting things out. This is especially true if you're being bullied, and it is hard to know what to do next.

So, you might talk to a friend or a buddy. You can go straight to an adult yourself, or you can ask a pal to help you. Any adult should listen and take you seriously - your teachers, your youth workers, your sports leaders. We've even written leaflets for mums and dads to help them to help you!

Follow these tips for sorting out your problems when things go wrong

• Try to keep calm! It can be difficult when you're worried, or upset, but other people will find it easier to help you if they know about everything that has happened. Make a mind map or list of your worries. It might help you to tell people exactly what's been going on.
• Write things down. It's a really good way to get things off your chest - even if you rip up the paper afterwards!
• Don't bottle up your feelings! It's ok to be upset or angry, but try not to lose it or try to 'get your own back'. And try not to get angry with yourself either! Sometimes you can get rid of stress and tension by doing some exercise, or even just taking a few deep breaths.
• Remember, you have a right to be safe. If the bullying continues, keep on asking for help to solve your problems.
• If you get any nasty emails or text messages, save them so you can show the people helping you.
• Once things are sorted, try to leave all the bad feelings you had in the past. Any resentment you have will only make you feel bad, and might lead to things boiling over again.
• Thinking about taking revenge? Fighting? Getting your gang on to their gang? Forget it! It will only lead to more problems, for you as well as the bully. There are better tactics: show that you feel good about yourself; show that you are in control of yourself; show that you know enough about fairness and respect to get help, before the bully hurts somebody else!

Below are the contact details of some groups and organisations which are here to help you out
All the helplines on these pages will respect your confidentiality - unless they think you are in some kind of danger

If you want more information about specific issues relating to discrimination and bullying, then check out these organisations...

ChildLine Scotland's Anti-Bullying Line
A great helpline, dedicated to listening to and helping Scottish people who are concerned about bullying problems.
0800 44 11 11 (free of charge)
Open: Monday - Friday 3.30pm till 10.00pm, Saturday - Sunday 2.00pm till 8.00pm

ChildLine
Based UK-wide, ChildLine folk will talk to you about ANY concerns you have about school, pals, and life in general.
0800 11 11 (free of charge - even from a mobile and the calls won't show up on your bill)
Open: 24 hours a day
Freepost 1111, Glasgow G1 1BR
(you don't need a stamp)
www.childline.org.uk

Newsround
Website from the BBC's news programme for young people, with sections on bullying and school problems.
www.news.bbc.co.uk/cbbcnews

Kidscape
A website for kids and adults, with some top tips on making friends, stopping bullying, and being more confident.
www.kidscape.org.uk

Young Scot
Young Scot offers info and advice to young people on a whole load of things - including bullying and general school stuff.
info@youngscot.org
www.youngscot.org

Britkid
A website about race, racism and life - as seen through the eyes of the 'Britkids'.
www.britkid.org

Coastkid
Anti-bullying website about the lives of a group of young people.
www.coastkid.org

LGBT Youth Scotland
National youth organisation committed to the inclusion of lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender young people into Scottish life.
0845 113 0005
John Cotton Centre, 10 Sunnyside Edinburgh EH7 5RA
www.lgbtyouth.org.uk

Enable
Scotland's charity for learning disabilities, they should be able to answer any questions you have on the issues surrounding this subject.
0141 226 4541 Open: Monday - Thursday 1.30pm - 4.45pm, Friday - 1.30pm - 3.55pm
6th Floor, 7 Buchanan Street, Glasgow G1 3HJ
www.enable.org.uk

Commission for Racial Equality
Info and advice about dealing with racism.
www.cre.gov.uk/scotland

Scottish Child Law Centre
Free legal advice for young people under 18.
54 East Crosscauseway, Edinburgh EH8 9HD
0800 328 8970
Open: Monday - Friday 9.30pm - 4pm
www.sclc.org.uk

Enquire
Information for young people with additional support needs.
0845 123 2303 (charged at local rate) Open: Monday & Friday 9.00am - 5.00pm, Tuesday & Thursday 9.00am - 5.00pm & 7.00pm - 9.00pm, Wednesday 8.00am - 5.00pm
info@enquire.org.uk
www.enquire.org.uk