The Scottish Government

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How many times have you heard an adult say 'I can't believe how fast you've grown!'? You might groan and roll your eyes! But think about it - things are changing for you all the time, aren't they? You don't just grow out of clothes; you change the music you like, the programmes you watch and what you like doing in your spare time. And what was cool last year, is so uncool now!

Just as you are changing, so are the people around you. The annoying thing is, that everyone changes in different ways, and at different times. Which means things can get complicated, and our friendships can start to change.

Change is ok -as long as

you know you're ok
and everyone else knows you think they're ok.
Got that?
Oh, and as long as you know everyone else thinks you're ok.
OK!

change-your way

Boring!

Imagine a world where we were all exactly the same! You are a "unique individual" (that means you're a very special, one-off item!) and you have the right to change and grow in your own special way, and for people to respect you.

You don't have to feel bad about the things that make you unique. You don't have to copy everyone else, or do things you don't want to, just to fit in.

And other people are growing and changing in their own way too! They also have the right to be respected. It's a two-way thing!

friends

Some friends are close, and we spend loads of time with them. Other friends aren't our best pals, but they're still important.

As we grow and change, the people we are friends with can change. This is totally normal, but it can feel a bit wierd sometimes!

It can feel strange when someone doesn't want to be best pals anymore. It's always good to be mates with a few people, even if you have one or two special pals. That way, you know people with loads of different interests - so there will always be somebody you know doing something you like!

Friendship tips

Be yourself Why pretend to be someone you're not? Real friends will like you for who you are.

Join in Whether it's in school or out of school, there are loads of activities where you can meet other people and try out new things. It's a great way to meet people who enjoy doing the same things as you!

Listen If you talk about yourself all the time, people will get bored. A good friend is always interested in what other people have to say.

Give and take Whether you're deciding what to do after school, discussing who the best footie player in the world is, or having a debate in class, make sure everyone helps to make the decision and that everybody's ideas are taken on board.

Don't worry! Other people are shy too! Lots of people find it hard to talk to people they don't know. Just smile and remember that you are a cool person to know!

When friendships break up, there are golden rules for making sure no-one gets hurt:

Don't gossip or tell people about someone else's private thoughts.

Stay friendly, even if you're not best friends anymore. Smile!

Can your new friends and old friends all be friends together? There's no rule that says you can only have one friend at a time!

Was there an argument? Don't dwell on it! Even if you have to agree to disagree, you can still say sorry for arguing, and show there are no hard feelings.

It won't be long before you move up to a bigger school, and everything is really new and different. It can be great fun, and there will be even more people to make friends with.
So get some practice!

What if it's going wrong?

Sometimes it's hard to believe that a simple thing like being friendly can go wrong. But if it feels like someone is being unfriendly, it can really hurt.

Sometimes,

• People just forget to be friendly - they're too busy with their own stuff!
• People argue and can't seem to forgive and forget.
• Groups of friends don't realise that they are leaving someone out of their fun.
• Someone changes, and makes different friends, and old friends feel left out.

There are lots of reasons why we might feel that a situation is unfriendly. It can get tricky.

If you feel hurt by someone, the best thing is to try to tell them calmly how you feel, and why you feel this way. Listen to their point of view too. They may not realise they have hurt your feelings. But once they do know, you can both work together to sort it out.

If you have hurt someone, saying sorry can really help. Also, try to show that you want to be fair about what's happened and respect their feelings. It's a grown-up thing to do.

Remember, you don't have to be best pals with someone to treat them nicely.

sometimes,

• A person or a group of people deliberately try to upset someone
• They might always leave someone out of their group - just to be nasty
• They might spread rumours about someone, or call them names
• They might play tricks on someone to embarrass them
• They might try to scare someone or threaten them
• They might physically hurt them

...This is bullying

Sometimes bullying can be stopped by telling the bullies that you don't like it and that it has to stop, or else you will get help. But it is always right to tell. It is not being a grass or a tell-tale - and you should tell if you see someone else being bullied too.

tell someone...

If you're being bullied…

You might tell your friends first if you feel you are being bullied.
It is important that you and your friends don't try to gang up on the bully. Friends might be able to help you think about what has happened and how long it has gone on for. They can help you tell an adult.

Go to any adult that you like and trust.
This might be your parent or your teacher, or a youth club leader. They should listen to you, and they should listen to your ideas on how to solve the problem. If they don't - tell someone else!

Sometimes bullying does not stop straight away. Keep telling! It is important for adults helping you to know how often the bullying is happening.

If you think you might be bullying someone…

Have you ever bullied anyone?

Be honest with yourself! Sometimes we are just having a rubbish time and we take it out on someone else!

If you are feeling bad about something and it's spoiling your friendships, maybe you could ask someone you trust to listen to your worries. Teachers, youth workers and other staff are there to help you. It's much better to talk to someone than to bottle things up till you explode. They won't get you into trouble, they'll help you sort it out.

We've all felt jealousy or anger towards other people before. These are normal feelings, even if people don't like to admit to having them very often. Try telling a friend or a parent - and ask them if they've ever felt the same. I bet they have!

Whatever is going on, talking about it is a brave thing to do - and the best thing to do too!

GET FRESH

Follow the FRESH code!
Your guide to life, friends, and generally being a cool person to know! Why not start now?

FAIR

• be fair to others and expect to be treated fairly

RESPECT

• be polite, and show care for others

ENGAGE

• be friendly and let others join in

SAFE

• avoid hurting others and if you are hurt, tell someone

HONEST

• try to tell the truth

Fresh Schools!

Your school is there to help you get the best out of life, now and in the future! They can help you get FRESH, and you can help the school act FRESH too! There are loads of different ways that you can get involved, to stop bullying, solve problems, and generally make your school a cool place to be!

School Rules
Rules are there to make sure the school is a friendly, tolerant place. But it's a lot easier to understand (and pay attention) to rules if you've helped make them up.

Why don't you ask a teacher if your class can get involved in making up some school rules about how people should behave towards each other? They could look something like the _FRESH code!

pupil council
Lots of schools have pupil councils. It's a great way to have your say about what you think is good and bad about your school - and make suggestions about how things can be changed.

buddies
Buddying schemes in schools are great. They help to make sure that there are always other pupils about who will be a friendly face or a listening ear. The buddies feel good too, because they get to take responsibility and help other people.

peer mediation
Even though bust ups with your mates are perfectly normal, it can be tricky sometimes to sort things out if you are both angry, and don't want to listen to the other person's side of the story. Peer mediators help you reach an agreement about how you both can sort things out and be more friendly to each other in the future.

Getting Help

We all need help to sort out our problems. Sometimes, it's easier to talk to people we don't know about things, or people who have more experience at sorting things out. Talking about problems can be an important step towards solving them.

It also helps to find out more information about our problems, so we can get ideas about how to solve them, and how to stop them happening again!

Here are the contact details of some groups and organisation which are there to help you out. All the helplines will respect your confidentiality (that means you can talk to them without anyone else having to know, unless they think you are in some kind of danger).

ChildLine Scotland's Bullying Line
A great helpline, dedicated to listening to and helping Scottish people who are concerned about bullying problems.
0800 44 11 11 (free of charge)
Open: Monday - Friday 3.30pm till 10.00pm, Saturday - Sunday 2.00pm till 8.00pm

ChildLine
Based UK-wide, ChildLine folk will talk to you about ANY concerns you have about school, pals, and life in general.
0800 11 11 (free of charge)
Open: 24 hours a day
Freepost 1111, Glasgow G1 1BR
(you don't need a stamp)
www.childline.org.uk

Newsround
Website from the BBC's news programme for young people, with sections on bullying and school problems.
www.news.bbc.co.uk/cbbcnews

Britkid
A website about race, racism and life, as seen through the eyes of the 'Britkids'.
www.britkid.org

Coastkid
Anti-bullying website about the lives of a group of young people.
www.coastkid.org

Scottish Child Law Centre
Free legal advice for young people under 18.
54 East Crosscauseway,
Edinburgh EH8 9HD
enquiries@sclc.org.uk
0800 328 8970 (free of charge)
www.sclc.org.uk