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Main Findings

• Non-resident separated fathers (NRSFs) in this study perceived the relationship between separated parents as essential to contact with their children, but often felt controlled by the resident parent. They employed different strategies of negotiation, toleration or retaliation for coping with this experience of control.
• A constructivist model of the co-parental role was found consistent with separated fathers' reports of their parental experience over a year. The fathers construed the co-parental role in relation to the family as a whole, rather than just their children.
• Becoming non-resident creates particular problems for parenting. Fathers in this study thought other NRSFs may consider losing contact with children as ultimately a better solution for the family, but repudiated such a course of action themselves.
• Family and friends, or organisations with a largely male profile, were favoured as sources of support by the NRSF participants over existing services for separated parents.
• The sense the NRSFs made of their role is flexible and dependent on their recent experiences, rather than underlying traits. Interactions with a child and with the child's mother were often seen in the same terms by NRSFs.
• NRSFs' perceptions of parity in their parental co-operation depended on whether the contact schedule is perceived as consensual, and whether they see the other parent frequently.
• Parental conflict did not emerge as a primary consideration for these fathers in co-parental situations, but it can have varied implications for different individuals; not all of these may be negative. Conflict can arise where a NRSF's understanding of his role in the separated family does not change when faced with transitional events (e.g. a new partner or change in employment for either parent).
• In a context of potentially impermanent family relationships, one strategy for NRSFs to cope with change or inter-parental conflict is to re-construe that role as less central, or adhere more strongly to an alternative role (e.g. parental role in a new family).
• Education or support interventions provided for, and targeted at, NRSFs would be a useful initiative. Services should be proactive in reaching that population, and should take into account fathers' distinct perspectives and issues.

Introduction

Co-parenting is a legal and social construction whereby parents who have separated co-operate with each other to fulfill their parental responsibilities to their children. Fathers are usually the non-resident parent following separation; although concerns have been voiced regarding their co-operation with the mother and the quality of time spent with children ¹, their perspectives are little researched. This study therefore reviewed existing literature, examined the experience of non-resident fathers who continue to see their children following separation (practising co-parents) and developed a theoretical approach to the co-parental role for fathers based on Personal Construct Psychology.

This study was undertaken for a PhD thesis and this paper only provides a summary of the main findings. A copy of the thesis is held at Glasgow University Library ².

Literature review

A wide range of literature from several disciplines was reviewed; the main findings are summarised below. Details of references are available on request from the Legal Studies Research Team.

The continued involvement of both separated parents in child-rearing is more likely if they have joint custody, if they are economically better off, and if they perceive each other to be a capable parent. Non-resident fathers make less use of indirect contact methods (phone calls, letters and e-mails) than do non-resident mothers, but rates of visitation are similar; while this declines over time, contact may be redistributed in fewer, longer episodes. Fathers maintain higher levels of contact if they have more education, are employed, have multiple children resident with the mother and live nearby. The rate of contact decreases with the number of children they have in a new relationship. Finally, contact is more likely where there is higher agreement and low levels of conflict between the parents. However, long-term effects of divorce or separation on children may arise from pre-divorce family conditions; key factors in children's adjustment to 'loss' of a non-resident parent (usually the father) are the quality of their relationship with that parent and the quality and level of conflict in the relationship between the parents.

The quality of the father-child relationship suffers under non-residency, which may affect the salience of the parental role to a father's post-divorce identity (though the effect of the pre-divorce relationship quality is unclear). Father-child relationship quality is affected by the quality of co-parental communication, and may be improved by the father attending a parent education programme.

Non-resident fathers are more likely to participate in important decisions if they were previously married to the mother than if they were not, and if they still live nearby than if they have moved away. They are likely to perceive co-parenting as less manageable the more education their child's mother has. However, those with greater levels of education themselves, or who perceive themselves as having been close to their child before the split, tend to have experienced a better quality of interaction with the child's mother than those less educated or formerly close. The frequency of co-parental interaction and the range of topics discussed are also associated with the perceived quality of the co-parental relationship. Other factors include: satisfaction with residency arrangements; their own lifestyle; the other parent's child-rearing abilities; feelings associated with the divorce and parental adjustment to it; and characteristics of the parents' personalities. A new partner for either parent is associated with a decline in the co-parental relationship quality.

Non-resident fathers themselves are generally distressed by the 'loss' of their children and want more contact. They frequently attribute parental conflict to recriminations over the break-up, and perceive the resident mother as intractable, antagonistic and exerting control over contact. They tend to feel relatively powerless as parents, and may be either resigned or resentful; economic support may be viewed as a bargaining counter for contact time. Fathers also describe problems with the artificiality of the contact environment, being unprepared for their new role, and adjusting to a new relationship in interactions with their child. While his life may feel 'on hold', the separation can bring about a positive transformation in a father's relationship with his child.

Families wherein contact takes place with a non-resident parent have been broadly distinguished on the basis of the parental relationships they describe. These can be characterised by conflict, harmony or non-communication. Parents in these different categories have been differentiated by their distinct use of discourses of child welfare, parental welfare, equal rights, care and justice. A useful alternative may be to typify families on the basis of parental roles rather than contact and conflict.

Methods

Qualitative methods were used to allow separated fathers to report their experience and perspectives in their own terms. Firstly, 4 group discussions were conducted with non-resident separated fathers (NRSFs) from the Glasgow area, to highlight their experiences and views as co-parents. In total there were 14 participants, each had been separated between 1 and 12 years, and had 1 to 4 children, aged between 1 and 19 years. From the personal accounts provided in the group discussions, 8 common post-separation parenting situations (involving conversations with the child or child's mother) were identified.

Secondly, 17 NRSFs (recruited through family service organisations, municipal nurseries, publicity, and from among the group discussants) each completed 3 repertory grid interviews³ at 6-monthly intervals. Each participant had 1 or 2 non-resident children, aged between 3 and 15 years. They had typically been separated for a few years following a long relationship, with weekly contact visits at the time of the first interview.

Repertory grid interviews require the participant to consider a number of elements they are familiar with _ these can, for example, be events, people, or objects. Here, descriptions of the 8 common post-separation parenting situations were used for this purpose. The interviewee was presented with 3 such elements at a time, asked what made any 2 similar, then asked how the other one was different. In this way, each individual supplied, in their own words, a series of contrasting aspects of the co-parental situations; these personal distinctions are termed constructs. Treating the constructs as a series of scales, the interviewee finally rated each element between 1 and 7 on each scale, providing a grid of numerical data.

Content and statistical analyses of the grids informed a proposed Personal Construct model of the co-parental role, whereby a system of constructs relating to being a NRSF is affected by experience, influencing how relationships with other family members can be understood.

Fathers' views and issues

The group discussions provided detailed views and experiences of some non-resident separated fathers in Scotland.

Relations with their ex-partner were seen as central to NRSFs' continued relations with children, but difficulties in father-child relationships could arise from how the father perceived co-operation between parents. The NRSFs characteristically described interactions involving their child's mother as having to 'perform' in a role imposed upon them rather than engaging in 'natural' parental behaviour. While this understanding fostered resentment in some, it allowed most to function as co-parents. The participants saw themselves as 'controlled' by their ex-partners; they were variously inclined to respond to the perceived control with strategies of negotiation, toleration or retaliation.

Becoming non-resident creates particular problems for parenting. Many participants attested to the difficulty of 'simulating' their child's home in a new abode. Fathers' unfamiliarity with a new role, a sense of artificiality, parenting beliefs or inhibitions appeared to contribute to unsatisfactory contact experiences with their children. However, the participants did not believe that losing contact with children is ultimately a better solution for the family. Such disengagement was regarded as a potentially justifiable strategy that many in their situation may endorse, but it was concluded that this was for the worse in the long term.

Family and friends were often perceived as a likelier source of support or advice than existing services, though some acknowledged the potential for selective acceptance of advice depending on its source. Some participants described expectations that mediation would deliver the vindication they also expected from the courts. There was also a perception that services were intended for, or oriented towards, women. In comparison, lobbying organisations with a largely male profile were popular.

Perspectives over time

In the 3 waves of repertory grids, the 8 common post-separation parenting situations proved familiar to fathers taking part. They distinguished these situations in terms of their significance or impact; how they felt able to participate in the situations; the feelings that such situations engendered; and expectations of conflict.

Interactions with a child and with the child's mother were usually seen in some of the same terms. While they were unlikely to regard many conversations with their child as similar to conversations with the mother, there was rarely a complete divergence between how participants construed these two sets of situations. The construct system explored in these interviews therefore represents that of being a co-parent, rather than being either father or ex-partner only.

The sense that non-resident fathers made of their role was flexible and dependent on what they had recently been going through, rather than underlying traits. The similarity of particular pairs of situations in the repertory grid data was not consistent for individual participants across the 3 waves. Rather, it tended to reflect reports of family events and experiences between interviews. Participants' conceptions of the co-parental role responded to the recent family circumstances that they recounted, rather than reflecting constant individual characteristics.

Non-resident fathers' perceptions of parity in their parental interaction depended on whether the contact schedule was consensual, and whether they saw the other parent frequently. Two of the co-parental situations in the interviews dealt with either the participant or his child's mother requesting a temporary change to contact arrangements (e.g. because of a hospital appointment, or a holiday). Participants who were actively trying to change how their contact was allocated tended to construe themselves as being less able than the mother to request a change without creating conflict. However, those who assented to the prevailing contact arrangements saw their own requests in the same way as those of the mother. The similarity for these fathers might nevertheless be positive or negative, depending how often parents were in touch (with frequent communication the situations might, for example, both be routine, while infrequent communicators viewed all requests as situations where they would be marginalised). Flexibility in parental co-operation over contact is unlikely unless both co-parents perceive it as reciprocal. Yet at any one time most of these fathers, who were continuing to see their children after separation, were unable to see such reciprocity as available to them.

Conflict did not emerge as a primary consideration in fathers' co-parental roles, but it could have varied implications for different individuals, not all of which were negative. Constructs that dealt with expectations of conflict (e.g. whether a situation would be 'nice' or 'go ballistic') were rarely found to be highly predictive of others supplied by that individual. Conflict therefore tended to be seen as something following on from other aspects, such as fathers' feelings or how they felt able to participate. The experience of conflict might be seen in contrast to negotiation and discussion; but sometimes it was contrasted with being controlled or with being excluded. Thus, if experiencing exclusion from being a father, conflict may be viewed as regrettable, but a necessary part of maintaining active involvement in the family.

Personal Construct Theory suggests that hostility can be generated by someone not relinquishing an important construct (one that predicts many others) when faced with significant change. Some participants confirmed this; they retained an important construct following a major family event while reporting that things had got worse. For example, one father experiencing conflict continued to view situations primarily in terms of whether he had to be 'wary' of his ex-wife seeking to gain advantage; this was despite the recent breakup of her new relationship. In contrast, important constructs changed for others after significant family events, with no reported conflict. Thus, another father changed from predominantly seeing family situations in terms of whether he was 'in power' or 'groveling', to anticipating whether or not there could be agreement; this followed the finalisation of his divorce.

Adaptation in co-parental thinking therefore appears to offer a way round hostility. However, constructs of being a co-parent may have become more interchangeable as the role became less accessible or important to participants. Over the year of the study, measures of association between constructs indicated that they tended to converge towards equivalent importance. Many of these fathers, then, became less able to express varied ideas about co-parenting as their family participation dwindled. In the fluid system of a separated family, it may be that adhering more strongly to a role other than that of co-parent (e.g. parent with new partner) or attaching less importance to being a co-parent both offer more achievable ways of coping with family change for some non-resident fathers.

Conclusions

This study has examined in detail the perspectives of some Scottish non-resident separated fathers on their experience of co-parenting. Participants described different strategies for coping with feeling controlled in what they saw as an important family role. Their perceptions of parity in inter-parental co-operation were related to relationships between parents at the time of interview. As an aspect of family situations, conflict was subject to individual interpretations. In the fluid group of a separated family, identifying less with a role as co-parent may offer NRSFs a more achievable means of coping with ongoing change.

Co-parenting should not be viewed in the same terms as parenting within a non-separated family. Policy and services for separated parents should address the different experiences and perspectives of resident and non-resident parents, and of fathers and mothers. In particular, fathers' feelings that involvement requires them to 'perform' under control must be considered.

If co-parenting is to be successfully maintained, NRSFs must be able to perceive reciprocal flexibility in contact arrangements. Even those who are already practising co-parents must be prepared and able to reformulate their understanding of other family members. This is most likely if their strategy for coping with perceived control is one of negotiation, rather than retaliation or resignation. While it is important that fathers should have a flexible understanding of being a co-parent, keeping up with changes may make it more practicable for some to distance themselves from the role.

Education or support interventions provided for, and targeted at, separated non-resident fathers would therefore be a useful initiative. Services for separated fathers should be proactive in reaching that population, and should take into account a number of issues: fathers' reasoning over disengagement, expectations and perceptions of services, and distinct understandings of 'conflict' in family situations.

Footnotes

1 Mayes, G., Gillies, J., MacDonald, R. A. R. & Wilson, G. B. (2000) An evaluation of the Parent Information Programme. Edinburgh: Scottish Executive.
2 Wilson, G. B. (2003) Fathers as co-parents: how non-resident fathers construe family situations after divorce or separation. Unpublished PhD Thesis.
3 Fransella, F. et al. (2004) A Handbook of Repertory Grid Analysis. Chichester: Wiley.