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REFUGES FOR WOMEN, CHILDREN AND YOUNG PEOPLE IN SCOTLAND
Chapter 5: Refuge Services for Children and Young People
Introduction
This chapter reviews services for children and young people in refuge. It starts by examining children and young people's general experience of refuge life, before looking in detail at the provision of children's support workers and children's rooms in refuges. Thereafter move-on support, the differential experience of children depending on their age and gender, and consultation and involvement are considered. The chapter ends by discussing children and young people's priorities and preferences in relation to support services in refuges.
Experience of Refuge
As discussed in Chapter 3, children were often very nervous about moving into refuge and were, on the whole, relieved that it was not as 'horrible' as they had feared. Almost all said they were glad their mothers had brought them to refuge and felt that it was a good place for children. Many children were extremely positive about their experience of refuge: 'Brilliant!'; 'Everyone nice';'...you can play and feel comfortable'. One nine-year-old girl was emphatic:
'I liked living in the refuge because all the people that worked there were very kind and made you feel very happy. I don't know why you wouldn't feel at home.'
Young people often emphasised how safe they (and their mums and siblings) felt in refuge:
'… if you went somewhere else it's easy to find you, it's easier for a person to find you. I felt safer here.. if somebody came they couldn't get in, but if it was other places then they'd knock the door down.' (14 year old girl).
Similarly, mothers most often described their children's experience of refuge in very positive terms:
'The kids can run about the close, they are all safe, everybody looks out for each others kids, everybody is for kids.'
'My X was traumatised when she arrived, just stood there. Within weeks she was great, running about. The kids are alright if the people are alright.'
Children's support workers explained that many children had behavioural or psychological problems when they first came into refuge and often greatly benefited from the supportive environment:
'A lot of kids come in here violent towards each other, or violent towards the mother. We show them other ways to behave, other ways to deal with conflict…Most kids don't have so much fun as they do in the refuge - we have a play-scheme, we go to theme-parks, maybe go out and bike round an island, take them to the cinema…. You get the same with teenagers. In the refuge you're building up a relationship with them. Often they've never experienced a person showing interest in them.'
They also made clear that provision for children in refuge had improved considerably in recent years:
'It has been taken on board internally and externally that children are affected by domestic violence in a number of ways. They are not just baggage, they have their own experiences. We're working with schools, social workers and other agencies…'
As discussed in Chapter 3, the key thing children and young people disliked about refuge was sharing facilities, particularly bathrooms, with other families. One 13-year-old boy summed up a lot of children's feelings about refuge:
'The best thing about the refuge was the playroom and the computer and all that and all the workers, how kind they were. And my worst thing was having to share a flat with people you didn't know…'
Likewise, some mothers reported that living in refuge could be a very negative experience for children where there was stress or tension between the families sharing. One woman described how she was afraid that a violent incident in refuge involving two other residents would impact on her child:
'My wean's going to wake up and hear this madness, that's what I'd taken her away from…'
While some mothers and workers focused on conflict between children as a key problem in refuge, this was given far less emphasis by children. They did report particular fights or resentments, and some mentioned being 'picked on', but children more often talked about making friends than enemies in refuge. Peer support could be as important to children as women in refuge, with several commenting on being 'sad' to lose friends if they were unable to keep in touch after moving on. Children's complaints were primarily about loneliness or boredom if there was no one else their age in refuge, or if the playroom and facilities were locked up (see below). The conflict that bothered them most seemed to be that between adult women, and they expressed their resentment at being told off by mothers other than their own.
Some mothers felt that, even in refuges with a supportive atmosphere, it was sometimes difficult for children to adjust to the new environment and routine, and that they could become very 'clingy' or even disruptive/violent (though it was difficult to discern the extent to which some comments concerned the impact of domestic abuse rather than refuge). One woman commented:
'I don't think it's a healthy environment [in the refuge], how you bring your weans up is different for different people, and you're having to mix with others, your nerves are fraught.'
Moving into refuge could be particularly painful for those children and young people whose schooling and friendship networks were disrupted:
'Refuge life was hard because I had to start a new school and make new friends. I was sad that I had to move so far away from the rest of my family.' (11 year old boy)
Workers almost always reported that teenagers found the adjustment to refuge life especially difficult and stigmatising:
'The older ones tend to be more embarrassed, they don't want their friends to see the front door they're going through.'
'Younger kids play together, but the older kids can't bring their friends back, and it's difficult for them because they have been able to before.'
Age and Gender of Children
A great many interviewees commented that younger children were better catered for than older children in refuges (see also Chapter 2):
'Mine is 15, it's no good for him…. They don't have much for teenagers. They were going to have a wee room for them, a computer, sofa, stereo, somewhere to chill out. They've got the internet (on the computer in the office), but they should make a room for them.' (woman refuge resident)
'There is a lack of space for older children, both girls and boys. Space for getting their homework done etc.' (refuge worker)
All interviewees were agreed that teenagers needed their own 'quiet' space away from younger children both for homework and for 'chilling out'. Teenagers were clear that 'kiddies' rooms' did not meet their needs, with one 14 year old girl saying: 'I think there should be more age group rooms, 'cos you wouldn't see 14-16 year olds going into a three year old's playroom.' Perhaps more surprisingly, younger children also consistently made the point that age-specific spaces were needed for children and young people within refuge. As indicated in Chapter 2, there are specialist teenagers' rooms available in only a small proportion of refuges at present.
As well as separate rooms for different age groups, many children and young people expressed a wish for separate activities, and in some cases separate workers, for different age groups:
'…so can do different stuff for our age.' (14 year old girl)
'…some can handle bigger ones, some wee ones.' (10 year old boy)
Although a few young girls said there should be separate spaces and/or activities for boys and girls, age rather than gender was the predominant theme in relation to children's room and workers.
The key gender issue that emerged in the study related to teenage boys, some of whom objected strongly to the exclusion of young men aged over 16 from refuge. They complained about being 'booted out at 16' and felt 'labelled' by it, with one commenting that he would '…have to make arrangements to see my own Mum!' Another made the point that: '…if Mum leaves Dad to get out, Dad would get me and ask questions and questions about where she lives. Where would I go?' They felt that girls were treated better in refuge than boys:
'They get more stuff and that, and they get treated with more respect than what we do.'
These young men also felt excluded from the follow-on work:
'It's just 'cos we're boys. Mum and everyone said they weren't wanting to take us out because they think every man beats up his wife.'
While these comments were made by a small number of young men, two of whom were from the same family, the focus group of children's support workers picked up a similar theme (see also Chapter 6):
'With all the women workers, teenage boys say "How come there's no men working at Women's Aid? How come it's all women? I dinnae like it all women".'
'As soon as we explained it, it wasn't a problem. As soon as we gave an answer they were OK about it.'
'I got a different response. They were quite offended that they were not allowed, were asking what is the difference between a 15 and 16 year old?'
Children's Support Workers
Children almost always were clear that they 'liked' their children's support worker, with very strong affection expressed towards some of these workers. Views on other refuge workers were more mixed; some children indicated that all refuge workers were 'nice', whereas others found some of them 'moody'. Children therefore generally made a clear distinction between children's support workers and other workers, preferring to talk to the former. They also strongly preferred to keep the same children's support worker over time:
'I'd rather have my own worker than talk to any of the other workers 'cos they might not know what I'm on about'. (10 year old girl)
Children of all ages very often indicated that they would like greater access to children's support workers. While older children sometimes felt particularly neglected because the workers' time was so limited, only younger children tended to want them to be around all day, every day. In one group none of the children felt they got enough of the children's worker's attention:
'…at times I wanted to talk to someone. '[The children's support worker] was barely there. She'd gone away too early.'
'… no time to speak to us, only half hour with her talking to three women about rules and regulations. Children's worker should be telling us not adults. Adult's worker should concentrate on adults. Children's worker should concentrate on children.'
Being welcomed when they first arrived at refuge was a big issue for many children: one 10 year old boy emphasised the importance of someone to 'greet us at the door' when they first got there, while an 8 year old girl said that it would be '…nice to be welcomed at the door and get your bags taken upstairs.' Similarly, many workers commented on the importance of children's support workers being available for children as soon as they are admitted to refuge:
'As soon as they come in there should be a children's worker there, to introduce the children to the refuge straight away, because often the refuge workers are very concentrated on the women.' (children's support worker)
It was also generally seen as important that children's support workers were available on a daily basis, even if only for a few hours at a time - a few days to wait to see a children's support worker can seem a very long time for a child. The lack of weekend and evening cover by children's support workers was viewed as particularly problematic by many mothers and children (see also Chapter 2). Some of the children's support workers agreed:
'There are no children's workers at the weekends. If they've come from out of the area then they're stuck somewhere and don't know anyone, no school…'
'Just like Women's Aid shutting at two when the women finish work!'
Several children said they would like more time on their own with children's support workers, including one 10 year old boy who explained that you might not get along with the other children and it would be good to '…have the worker by yourself and go out.' Similarly, while the work undertaken by children's support workers was usually praised by mothers, their only complaint tended to be that it didn't go into enough 'depth'. One woman felt that there should be
'…group therapy sessions for kids and teenagers because they are damaged by all the trauma just as much as their mums.'
Most workers agreed that there was insufficient time for one-to-one and other 'depth' work with children, and this meant that some missed out on the support they needed:
'It feels like an A&E ward. And that affects the quiet child who asks for time, but who won't throw a strop when they don't get attention, which often means they don't get it.'
Children's Rooms
Children's rooms were very much valued by children, especially the youngest ones who very often said it was the 'best thing' about refuge. However, while some children's rooms provided excellent facilities, the inadequacy of others was noted:
'There is one small room, for all age groups, and if its got two or three kids in it, it's crowded.' (woman refuge resident)
Lack of access to these rooms when children's support workers were not around was a major source of complaint from both children and their mothers (the rooms were almost always locked when there was no children's support worker available to supervise, see also Chapter 2). School-age children's access could be very limited indeed:
'They [children's support workers] come on a Wednesday and a Friday. They finish at 3.30pm, the kids finish school at 3.10, they only have half an hour in the playroom.' (woman refuge resident)
Many children complained of being 'bored' and having 'nothing to do' when the workers went away and the children's rooms were closed , with weekends in particular often dragging by. Where families shared a bedroom, access to a children's room in the evenings was particularly important to older children who couldn't play in their room when the younger ones were asleep. Older children also sometimes felt that, as with the children's support workers, younger children's access to the children's room was prioritised, leaving them excluded, bored and resentful:
'…we only get an hour and a half and the other children get practically the whole day and it shuts on Saturdays and Sundays.' (10 year old girl)
Both women and children appreciated why children's rooms were sometimes closed - 'they keep it locked because in the past it's been abused' - but nevertheless greater access was considered a priority by almost all of those interviewed. As noted above, lack of a separate space for older children was the other central complaint about children's rooms.
Consultation/Involvement
Children and young people generally reported that they had no say on most things in the refuge, although some pointed out that they were asked where they wanted to go on outings. The children in one group commented:
'…we never really get a say in the refuge and we never had children's house meetings.' (14 year old girl)
'Workers did say "We're here for you if you want to talk". but there were just all the women there and they were talking to the manager and that and we never get a say cos it was just adults' stuff like, it was just there for them and we never got a say in anything.' (11 year old girl)
One 11 year old boy (in another group) felt differently: '…every child got to give opinion… Women's Aid listen to everybody.' The children and young people in another group also felt that they got listened to, but this was mostly just about the playroom.
Moving On
There was a general sense that children were not well-informed or consulted about moving on from refuge. Some children explained that they were not aware that they were going to be in refuge for only a temporary period, and were 'sad' to have to move from what they thought of as their home. On the other hand, one nine year old boy said that his mum had 'lied' as she'd told him it'd 'be just a wee while' but they ended up staying nearly a year. He would have liked more of a say.
It was clear that children, particularly young children, could become very attached to workers and the playrooms/facilities in refuge, and could find it difficult to move on to mainstream accommodation unless follow-on support was available. This was especially the case in the best resourced and most supportive refuges, with young children making comments such as: '…felt sad to be moving cos fun here.' Mothers also commented:
'Mine were devastated when we had to move. We'd not been here for very long, my kid had not long settled, then we were moving, and moving, and moving.'
This difficulty for children in moving on was also recognised by the workers in this refuge:
'It's very hard for children, they become very close with me and X, and then suddenly they've got no-one, and their mother is busy with the new house etc...'
Young people and children, like their mothers, were generally very keen on having the option of follow-on support. Almost all wanted to keep in touch with workers from the refuge, and were enthusiastic being able to participate in trips or activities. They also appreciated just being able to drop in for a chat, where that was allowed. Young people and children involved in follow-on groups really appreciated this continuing help. One 11 year old boy explained that the workers who ran his follow-on group:
'… helped a lot of children out 'cos most of them are quite scared of some people and you just help them through it and help mothers through it as well.'
He went on to say that '…it helps a lot to know someone's there, no matter what'. Visits to their new home were also wanted by many children, with one nine year old girl saying that: 'I would like a worker come spend time with you when you've gone. Miss it.' As highlighted earlier, it was important to children that they dealt with the same worker 'all the way through', and they did not want their follow-on worker to be a 'stranger':
'…it's not a good idea to change workers when you know and like the person.' (15 year old young man)
However, at present WA usually have distinct refuge and follow on workers (with only five specific children's follow-on workers across the country). This means that when children and young people leave refuge they will almost always be dealing with a different worker, if they have any continuing contact with WA at all.
Children, as with the women, particularly appreciated workers who seemed to act 'above and beyond the call of duty':
'X's came down once or twice when she's not supposed to and she's used her own money to take us out, like she took me to the pictures three times when I was in that house when she's not supposed to, but she's still done it. It wasn't during Women's Aid but she still took us out, when she wasn't working, she had finished her hours and she came down, she was doing it in her own time and using her own money and everything.'
Some young people (like their mothers) voiced concerns about the permanent accommodation they were expected to move into, saying that everyone got 'stinky' houses when they moved out. In one group young people reported that a number of families from the refuge stayed in the same street now, and they call it 'Women's Aid street'.
For children and young people from ethnic minority backgrounds, racial harassment could be a major concern (see also Chapter 6). One 10 year old boy explained that 'bad things' happened when they lived in one place: '…we were picked on, people call you names, we had to move house because of this.'
Priorities
As highlighted above, key priorities for children were age-specific children's rooms and greater access to children's support workers. Some children expressed a preference for separate workers for different age groups, while many emphasised the need for separate activities for different age groups. Young people liked workers to be based in the refuge office 'to welcome you', and they wanted follow on support from a worker who was 'their's all the way through'.
In addition, older children and young people mentioned access to electronic equipment and games in refuge (such as CD players, computers with internet access, videos, DVDs, Playstations, pool and table tennis tables). In young persons' rooms they wanted settees (not kiddies' chairs!) to 'chill out' on. They also wanted these rooms available at night without workers there: '…would be relaxing to be there on own'. Younger children prioritised being able to play outside in a garden, as well as in the playroom, and appreciated facilities like slides, seesaws, trampolines, climbing frames, soft play areas, tents, bikes, swings, etc. Many children and young people were especially enthusiastic about the trips and activities they had been involved in.
An essential for all children/young people seemed to be that every family room/flat in a refuge had its own TV because families often wanted to watch different things. Some children mentioned difficulties in keeping in touch with friends or relatives when there was no phone (landline) in their refuge. The payphone (where provided) was expensive and lacking in privacy.
It is interesting to compare these responses to what children's support workers had to say when asked what children would prioritise:
'Children themselves say the trips are the best, but when it comes down to it, the group work and the one-to-one, they couldn't cope without it. It's when they get a chance to be heard, and listened to, and taken seriously. They're often bursting to tell you what's going on with them, and they'll take these minutes wherever they can get them.'
The children's support workers themselves prioritised extra workers/more worker hours (see also Chapter 2):
' Would rather work with less space but more staff. We can do work on the bottom stair if we need to, we don't need the trappings. What's the point of four rooms and one worker?'
They felt strongly that the ratio of children's support workers to children should match that of refuge workers to women: 'A good starting point is to mirror what we've got for the women.' They were generally more concerned about lack of space/rooms for children than inadequate facilities or toys - a separate room for teenagers and additional storage space for toys/equipment were common priorities. Finally, they highlighted the need to avoid high concentrations of children in large refuges:
'… if the optimum is eight women, why 40 children? It creates so many problems. It's not practical, even if there are lots of workers… At meal times, 40 children running about, and at bed-time, trying to settle them down - where is that peaceful place if you have 40 kids running about?'
Conclusions
The key messages emerging from this chapter are that:
- provision for children in many refuges has improved considerably in recent years, and their experience of refuge was often reported as extremely positive because of the safety, support and stimulation they enjoyed there. But living in refuge could also be a negative experience for children where there was stress or tension between the women/families sharing, and the disruption to schooling and friendship networks could be painful for teenagers in particular;
- children liked children's support workers a lot, and very often wanted greater access to them. Women usually praised the work undertaken by children's support workers, with the only complaint being that it didn't go into enough 'depth' sometimes. Most children's support workers agreed that there was insufficient time for one-to-one work with children;
- it was felt important for children's support workers to be available for children as soon as they move into refuge, and on a daily basis. The general lack of weekend, late afternoon and evening cover was seen as problematic by most interviewees;
- lack of access to children's rooms when children's support workers were not available was a major source of complaint of both children and women. Children often complained of being bored and having nothing to do when the playrooms were locked, particularly if they were sharing a bedroom with their family;
- younger children were generally felt to be better catered for in refuge than older children. All children and young people highlighted the need for age-specific spaces in refuge, with a separate 'quiet' space for teenagers seen as a particular priority;
- the key gender issue that emerged related to teenage boys, some of whom felt 'labelled' by the exclusion of young men over 16 from refuge;
- young children in particular could become very attached to workers and the playrooms/facilities in refuge, and could find it difficult to move onto mainstream accommodation unless follow-on support was available;
- children prioritised age-specific children's rooms; more children's support workers; separate activities for different age groups; and better/more toys and electronic equipment, with younger children also focusing on outside play areas and equipment. All children enjoyed trips/activities but did not focus exclusively on this. Some children wanted more time alone with children's support workers, and almost all emphasised the importance of having the same worker 'all the way through';
- children's support workers generally prioritised extra workers/more worker hours and extra space (particularly for teenagers and storage), rather than more/better facilities or toys.
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